Oh Katie Price..

On this, blog number one, it almost seems fitting that I get to immediately express my distain for Glamour model Katie Price aka Jordan.

If we exclude her list of previous suitors (including Dwight Yorke, Dane Bowers and Gareth Gates to name a few) and her love of living a life that I can only describe as a concoction of Kerry Katona and Paris Hilton’s finest traits, I am still able to condemn her on a nearly unparalleled number of fronts. This is the woman who over the past decade has been on countless reality TV shows, went for the 2005 British Eurovision entry and even ran as a candidate in the 2001 Stretford and Urmston election under the slogan ‘For a bigger and betta future’ (‘betta’ not being a typo) with her main canditory promise being free boob jobs for all – a 1.8% of the vote followed...a record high for her popularity in my books.

Yet it is not even with this realm of profile enhancing moves that infuriate me the most about Katie. It is her reluctance to realise the immoral extent of her actions. Not only does she dive head first into anything that may lead to her face being on the front of the papers, but she does so with no account for the consequences. She is a selfish and wealth driven excuse for a woman, and whilst this may seem a harsh account of my views, I say we review the following three case studies before discrediting my thoughts.

Case study 1 (and a relatively brief one) – ‘The Wag period’.

Dwight Yorke. Man United footballer and at the peak of his playing career. A brief fling with Jordan, a football career on the drop and a child to boot... Dwight soon did a runner. (Unsurprisingly as Katie expressed her wish to broadcast the birth over the internet – a plea that was soon dropped at the threat of legal actions; or ‘personal wishes’ as Price later stated.)

Case study 2 – ‘I used to be a celebrity, Get me back on the TV’

Prime time ITV, a washed up hunky solo singer and a glamour model – it was almost meant to be? As the nation watched attentively, the two soon hooked up and later married. Their profiles soon grew and were even dubbed ‘The working persons Posh and Becks’. In true Pricey style, not one to miss out on a cash opportunity, the two soon had a well publicised ITV2 show that followed the lives of the pair as they tackled married life. All hunky dory you may think? Oh how wrong you’d be...

Two children and three years later, the most publicised and drawn out divorce of the decade took place. With the media drumming up a ‘Team Katie or Team Pete’ not a day went by without a new (and completely trivial) revelation popping up. Credit to Peter, whilst not one to shy away from an undignified money making opportunity himself, he stayed strong and was only complimentary about the ordeal – Katie was not. TV, Twitter or the papers, you could not help but see her slander Peter. Whilst she vigorously denied all allegations of wrongdoing, her track record and a number of extremely dubious photos do suggest she’s not quite the angel certain sections of the public might think.

A divorce soon followed, with Pete becoming well loved and Katie deservedly dropping back into Z-list obscurity.

Case study 3 – ‘It’s ok, we get to share each others clothes’

The main reason this blog is written. Alex Reid. Roxanne. Rocky. The Reidinator.

Katie’s latest conquest, a mixed martial arts, cross dressing, dim-wit from absolute obscurity, little over a month after the Andre divorce. Despite being almost crucified by the media for his cross dressing, Reid stayed by Katie’s side, even flying out to Australia to propose live on I’m a celebrity get me out of here (A move that was swiftly knocked on the head after Katie’s dismissal of marriage live on TV). Even still, Reid stuck by her side.

However, in an unexpected turn of events Alex Reid’s recent appearance on Celebrity Big Brother proved not only to be a move straight out of Pricey’s ‘How to grab some extra cash’ guidebook – but also turned out to be a masterstroke. Sent in to have a tear up with Katie’s ex Dane Bowers and British Icon Vinnie Jones, it seemed an almost dead cert he would be provoked into sticking the nail in his already near shut coffin. However, an adored unintelligence not seen since Jade Goody saw Reid win over all who watched him. Described by Vinnie Jones as ‘a loveable prat’ – Reid grabbed the nation’s heart and won arguably the best CBB in years.

Tragically, Reid has now gone and un-done all his hard work. A little under a week after leaving the CBB house, Price and Reid yesterday flew out to Las Vegas and got married. If newspaper reports are to be believe they then spent the hours after the ceremony in a $1000 per hour strip club. A club where Katie would feel equally at home on the stage, as she would do a paying customer.

It would seem Price saw the latest in the long line of opportunities to cash in on not only hers, but her boy-toys newly found fame. I can only wish Alex Reid the best of luck and hope that when Katie eventually moves on, he is able to actually have enough of a profile left to have a decent crack at whatever he wishes to do.


As for Mrs Price-Andre-Reid-Terry-Woods (I can only speculate on the last few, but would you bet against me?) – I/we can only watch on with mutual contempt in the hope that she (like many before her) eventually cocks it up enough that she sorts herself out.

Side-note: As The Sun points out today: ‘Alex Reid’s middle name is Aristides. The first Aristides was a Greek Statesman from the fifth century BC dubbed The Just. He despised Gold-Diggers and thought everyone should serve without wanting money or glory.’
Irony at its absolute best.